Scars Chapter 1 *Healing old Wounds*

"How do I know that Cerberus isn't controlling you!?" Kaidan asks, outraged with me for being gone for two years. Even though I couldn't help it. I was dead for two years, there's no way I could have contacted him in any way. I'm not being controlled, and I know it; and I'm about to punch Kaidan for not believing me.

"Because, I'm not Kaidan." I say, trying to calm him down. But it obviously doesn't work they way I planned for it too.  

"Listen to yourself Kaidan, your letting your rage blind you from what's right in front of you." Garrus says, trying his hardest to support me.

"It's bad enough that you're involved with Cerberus Shepard, but you dragged Garrus along too!" Kaidan says, angry about my decisions so far, clearly.  

"Why can't you trust me Kaidan?" I ask sympathetically, trying to get a better answer than, 'Cerberus rebuilt me.'  

"I don't know if I can trust you Shepard, I have things to do, goodbye Shepard." Kaidan walked away, breaking my heart. I tried to stay loyal to him, but… he just pushed me away like it was nothing.

"Joker, send us a shuttle, I've had enough of this colony." I say, trying my hardest to hold down my anger till I get into my room. Or at least till I get to Grunt, at least he's able to withstand my punches.  

"Aye, aye Commander." Joker says, knowing that hell will break lose as soon as I step onto the Normandy.  I started pacing back and forth, angry about Kaidan, and yet sad for what he said. Yes, Cerberus re-built me, but I'm still me.

"Shepard," Garrus said with sympathy in his eyes, "Do you want to talk about it?"

I just shook my head no and covered my face with my hands, trying to hold down the tears.

"No councilor myself," Mordin started, "but suggest talking it out later on Normandy."  

I sighed and rolled my eyes in grief. "Fine." I said plainly.

"Just come visit me when you want to talk it out Shepard."

"Ok Garrus." I said, trying to hold down my anger. The shuttle arrived taking us back to the Normandy, and frankly, I wanted to go talk to Joker first, see what he has to say about it. The shuttle landed in the hanger and I jumped out as soon as it opened. Then I walked calmly to the elevator and made it stop on the deck. I walked over to the cock pit to see EDI pop up and Joker's chair turned around facing me.

"Hey Commander," Joker started sounding a bit insecure, "so, small galaxy huh? Running into old crew like that and all."

"I'm fine Joker." I say with a smile on my face.

"You sure Commander?" Joker asks a bit unsure if I'm telling the truth or lying.  

"Yes Joker, I'm sure, all that's in the past." I try holding down my anger and show my poker face with a smile.  

"Oh, that's good commander 'cause, I wasn't looking forward to your mood when you arrived. There's a reason why I don't date crew members." Joker says in a joking matter, trying to lighten the mood. Then he turned back around facing his controls thinking that I was ok. I was about to lose it and beat him to death, but he's a cripple, so it'd be kind of harsh. So I just walked away and stepped into the elevator. I put my palm in my face and sighed as the doors closed. The elevator opened on the crew deck; somehow I thought that EDI was involved with that. I stepped out and walked down the hall to the main battery and stopped at the door. What is he going to say to try to cheer me up? It's not like we spent much time on the first Normandy. The door opened and Garrus was leaning up against the console with a serious look on his face. He motioned me to sit on a box that wasn't too far away from the console he was leaning on.

I sat down, looked him in the eye, and asked, "Do I have to do this?"

"Yes Shepard, you do." He says with a serious tone.

"Why?" I ask, sounding annoyed.

"Look, I know you're strong, but you're my friend, and I sensed that something was wrong after we were done with Horizon."

I looked away and thought for a moment. "What would you do if someone you trust with your life, just basically pushed you off a cliff?"

He looked away for a moment, thinking, and said, "First of all, I'd probably have a parachute." I rolled my eyes and looked away. "Sorry commander, I'm just trying to put a smiley face on it. Anyway, I'd tell my closest friend what happened, and usually she'd have some advice to give me so then I could hold my head up high." I giggled and smiled as I turned my head away. "At least I got you to smile."

I stop smiling and look down then say, "Yeah, but I still feel… sad, depressed is a better word to describe it actually."

"Haven't you heard a few sayings about a break up? It's always darkest before the dawn; there are plenty of fish in the sea… or something like that. I'm not too familiar to earth sayings." He says, trying his hardest to cheer me up. But he knows it's not working.

"Then say a Palavin saying." I said, a bit optimistic.

He thinks for a moment then says, "Hm… most of our saying have something to do about army, not too many about breakups. But, there is one saying I like the most, it doesn't really have anything to do about breakups, 'Nobody is ever truly alone, only lost in the dark, trying to find the crack of dawn.'"

I look at him with a confused look on my face and say, "What does that mean?"

He smiled as he walked towards me and said, "It means that you're not alone in this. There are plenty of people that are going through what you're going through; you'll never be alone." He sat down next to me and held my hand. "Just stay strong, keep moving forward, and I'll be there for every step of the way, I promise."
I smiled and hugged him, then said, "Thank you Garrus, at least I have someone to help me."

He looks me in my eyes and says, "Shepard, I've been with you from the beginning, from tracking down Saren to going with you to Cerberus. It's just like you said before, you're walking into hell, and it's good to know that you have somebody you trust by your side."

I smile and I feel a tear forming in my eye. Knowing that I cant say anything more than three words. "Thank you, Garrus."